Guys, I know that this blog is usually about Vin Diesel, but I had a really good opportunity to interview Will Smith, and I think I convinced him to do another rap album! So here it is!
Me: You wouldn't happen to be Vin Diesel, would you?
Will: what is that question mark for
Me: That was me being pensive, because I am nervous
Me: that you might not be Vin.
Will: nervous for wat
Me: I have been disappointed so many times tonight.
Will: whose vin
Me: Vin Diesel. Famous actor.
Me: Big muscles
Me: I talked to him on this site once.
Will: i knoe
Me: You know because...you're him???
Will: are u sure
Will: it was him
Me: He claimed to be. What reason would I have to mistrust Vin Diesel?
Will: then i am will smith
Me: Oh wow! That's pretty cool!
Me: Not what I was expecting, but pretty good.
Me: Gosh, I don't know what to say to Will Smith!
Will: be normal
Will: i like normal ppl
Me: I am really normal.
Me: I am
Will: ohh thats great
Me: I watch youtube and stuff.
Me: Really normal stuff like that.
Me: When you gonna come out with another album?
Me: If you don't mind my asking.
Will: yea i know
Will: i have quit rapping
Me: That's too bad.
Will: i am done
Me: You were the best.
Will: thank you
Me: But I can see how you would want to. You seem to be taking your career in a more serious direction.
Will: i know i dont wanna dissapoint my fans
Will: for them ill come out with one last album
Will: u are right
Will: i wanna take up acting seriously
Will: do u watch my movies?
Me: Most of them. Haven't seen Seven Pounds yet.
Me: I Am Legend was pretty good.
Me: And Hancock had some good laughs.
Me: You gonna do a sequel?
Will: u shd go see seven pounds
Me: OK dude. I will definitely see it.
Will: we are still in talks
Me: Gotta support the Fresh Prince.
Will: so what do u do
Will: i did not get u r name
Will: did u like pursuit of hapiness
Me: Uh, it's Unwinder.
Will: one of my best
Me: Yeah man! Real tear-jerker!
Will: so u are my male fan
Me: I admit, I'm more of a casual fan. I keep up with your stuff, but I don't like, buy posters or anything.
Will: how old are u kid
Me: Are you gonna do another Men in Black ever? That would be tight.
Me: OK, hey, since you're clearly mostly here to trawl for chicks, I'm gonna get a girl I know on the phone.
Me: She is sixteen. That's the age of consent in my state, so it's cool. You can talk about whatever. Anything goes man! Just act like I'm not here!
Me: OK, she has agreed to talk to you!
Me: She says hi, and that her name is Felicity.
Me: OK, now she's saying that Jayden is "too cute."
Me: Will, she says she'll take her shirt off right now if you show your butt again in I, Robot 2.
Me: Uh, but "from a better angle this time."
Me: Will, have I seriously misjudged you in assuming that you wanted to have an erotic chat with a teenage girl? It it because I'm here? I won't tell People magazine man, just act like I'm not here. I'm interested in seeing how celebrities cyber. For scientific reasons.
You: OK, uh, she just called your wife a skank. I'm so sorry about this.
You: This isn't going well. She thinks I'm pulling her leg. Also, I uh, embellished some of that stuff she said. Just wanted to get you talking. Sorry dude.
You: Say something, man! She's freaking out. She's mad because it's a school night.
You: I'm just going to tell her you said that I, Robot 2 will go in real close and show your real, actual anus.
You: OK, I'm having trouble making sense of this response. I'm getting sort of a gurgling sound.
You: All right, she hung up. I'm gonna go. Sorry man, but you're no Vin Diesel.
You: Stay fresh.